Wednesday 7th January  13:30 pm Good Afternoon

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Nelson's Column April Like Water for Chocolate 13th April 2007 Why chocolate is better than sex It’s so obviously a shameless publicity stunt but there’s something about a chocolate billboard that appeals to the greedy kid in me. Like a real life Hansel and Gretel cottage, you could actually eat every part of the solid chocolate advertisement erected in Covent Garden. And yes, it was an opportunistic and commercial way to mark the choc-fest of Easter. But I can graciously overlook the crassness of this blatant money-making scheme, if only because I can’t resist the sweet, dark stuff. It also reminds me of that immeasurable childhood pleasure of licking the spoon and mixing bowl clean after a cake-making session. Yum. And if that wasn’t enough the latest studies tell us that chocolate is way more fun than a passionate snog. I just love it when the latest scientific survey gives me carte blanche to indulge my chocolate cravings (and happily ignore the ones that say the opposite). This study involved a group of twenty-something college students (so that’s what the tuition fees are for) wired up with condom-style hats designed to measure their pleasure. Heart rates fluttered at twice the speed produced by a smooch when the chocolate reached melting point and the effects lasted longer than any romantic clinch. The results astounded the scientists - though anyone who’s read Joan Sewell’s frank sex book ‘I’d Rather Eat Chocolate’ wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. Seeing as Sewell would rather do anything than have sex perhaps we shouldn’t take hers as the final word. But to prove the point there are numerous literary references that argue chocolate is better than sex on a stick… ‘Like Water for Chocolate’ as any Spaniard knows is not only a best-selling book and the highest grossing foreign film of all time but also a metaphor for passion. Then there’s ‘Chocolat’, another foreign film fusing chocolate and underlying sexual tension… you get the drift. I for one was reassured to hear that this latest study wasn’t skewed by any restrained kind of snogging. In a not very scientific observation during the scientific trial, one of Cadbury’s people noted, ‘You'd think people would be shy about kissing in a laboratory, but that wasn't the case at all’. Whatever happened to the good old British sense of reserve? Clearly the floppy haired, stiff upper lipped English gent is not a graduate of Middlesex University. The presence of a Cadbury’s rep answers my next question: ‘but why do we need to do a scientific experiment to tell us this kind of thing?’, especially when there are bigger scientific questions that need answering like, ‘what are the right type of leaves’ or ‘what’ll make the lights go on in 2040?’ So when we’re sitting there in the dark in 30 years’ time we can blame good old Cadbury’s for side-tracking the scientists in an attempt to make us eat more chocolate. As if the obesity problem wasn’t enough to keep the men in lab coats busy. A Flash in the Pan A toilet that's also a piece of art has arrived in Soho so that children and community groups can admire a 'reliquy' (no idea) of donated items while they pee. It was hailed as a 'bespoke loo' as it was craned into St Anne's Green but, frankly, what does it DO that other loos don't apart from cost a whopping £52,000? From Cocktails to Culture Who would have thought that a wild London party in 1950 would have produced Pablo Picasso's only mural to be created in England? The artwork has fallen for a princely sum of £250,000 into the hands of the Wellcome Trust, a medical research charity. Originally drawn on the wall of his friend’s sitting room, Bernal's Picasso will take pride of place in Wellcome Collection, 183 Euston Road from 21st June 2007. On the Lookout Forget bobbies on the beat, Westminster City Council is bringing back traditional park keepers to combat petty crime and anti-social behaviour. Your friendly "parkies" on patrol are making a comeback, fully kitted out in yellow "pilot" shirt and black trousers, and will be out and about in 54 parks including Victoria Embankment Gardens, Paddington Recreation Ground and St George's Square. December 2008 23rd December January is on the Horizon 20th December Merry Christmas November 2008 26th November All The World's A Stage 20th November Surviving the Crunch October 2008 24th October Boris v Jingjing 17th October Soaps in Pole Position September 2008 23rd September Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea 16th September The London Restaurant Awards August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September